Saturday, July 09, 2005

It's Raining Mormons, Hallelujah!

I got home from work this evening and there were two mormons standing in my front yard, so I did what I would do for any other strange men -- I invited them inside. We sat around my kitchen table and they asked me if I knew anything about LDS and I was like...HELLS YEAH!! (I ate a lot of that when I was in high school.) I relayed the story about my trek out to Salt Lake City and my visit to Mormon HQ a few years back. I dazzled them with my knowledge of Joey Smith and his golden plates. They proceeded to give me their canned spiel about mormonism and asked me if I had any questions. I asked them what they thought about other prophets like Mohammed and Siddharta -- they said they were probably pretty cool dudes, but not prophets. I asked them what the deal was with all the polygamy in the early LDS church. They said that in the beginning there were more mormon girls than mormon boys so it only made sense not to let all those fine females go to waste. They did assure me that it was not a common practice, though. Only a select few men were "called" to the duty. Lucky them. Finally, I asked them if it was true that the most divine gift a woman could receive was to be eternally pregnant in the afterlife to populate her husband's inherited planet in some distant corner of a distant galaxy. They said they didn't think so. WHEW! All in all it was a good experience. They were sweet boys and they left me a copy of the Book of Mormon. On their way out they passed me their digits and told me they would be around for awhile because they were "called" to Wisconsin to pursue their missionary work. I didn't want to make them feel bad so I kept my thoughts to myself...but I'm thinking that God must not like them very much if he "called" them to Wisconsin....we've all seen Dogma, right?

Well, as I expected, the peculiar arrival of the peculiar mormons had to be foreshadowing something peculiar in store for me... (cue Theremin rod)

I threw the Brewer/Brave game onto the tube and began my nightly lifting routine. Somewhere around the 5th inning it began raining BUCKETS in Atlanta and there was some play delay. Well during this delay one of the announcers kept going off on some Brewer fans in the crowd with BUCKETS on their HEADS -- apparently part of this guy's BUCKETHEAD BRIGADE. This initially caught my attention simply because I adore BUCKETHEAD the guitarist. What made it a little more strange was that earlier in the day at work, I was talking to a co-worker and commented on his Primus shirt because it was one I used to have (damn I miss that shirt) and the conversation escalated into talk of Les Claypool's other PROJECTS and Les Claypool's Flying Frog BRIGADE was briefly mentioned. See, Les and BUCKETHEAD usually get associated in my head for some reason -- maybe because Les sometimes goes by the rank of COLONEL and the BUCKET that adorns BUCKETHEAD's head is none other than a COLONEL Sanders KFC BUCKET - or maybe its because Les and BUCKETHEAD collaborated on yet another PROJECT called COLONEL Claypool's BUCKET of Bernie Brains. *** So back to the damn game *** Not much is really happening here...the yard crew is still trying to patch the muddy diamond up and watching them work is getting pretty tired so I flip the channel and come upon a commercial for The Devils Rejects... the sequel to House of 1000 corpses which I have been anxiously anticipating for months. This reminds me that I never got to play the Rejects Rampage flash game on the movie's website. My lifting is done with so I hop on the computer -- fire up the game and end up getting sucked into the forums which I had been avoiding, but I'd already exhausted everything else on the site. Well the first sticky is 'Otis is in the House' and I'm compelled to read what ol' Choptop has to say. He's plugging a bunch of junk but then I read this-
" leave me a message, or visit me at my home site,, or my music site with BUCKETHEAD,!!"

What? What? What?!?!? Bill Mosely has a PROJECT with BUCKETHEAD???? Cornbugs LMAO!!! I went to and downloaded some of the sample tracks and they're as funny as a clown in a 'Pigs Is Beautiful' T-shirt.

Oh thank you wonderous universe for in your divine chaos and magical synchronicity you have procured yet more ridiculous music for me to waste my money on. And thank you mormons -- yeah I know you helped out too ;) .


Post a Comment

<< Home