Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I'm not sure

I am compelled to write something, not because I have anything in particular to say, but because something is demanding I do it. I don't know who or what it is, could it be just me? I don't think anything is just me right now. I don't think anything was ever just me. I long to elevate myself above the influence of my physical and mental environments, but the task proves most daunting and paralyzes me with the overwhelming realization of my total submission. While I've often deluded myself with the fantasy of being in control, I know I never really was. I don't think I ever can assert total control, but it must be possible to at least have a say. Up until now, I've been a tiny, mangled raft thrashing about on a stormy sea, barely staying adrift. I know I can't change the weather, but could I not build a rudder, procure some oars, or maybe even mount a motor to navigate the turmoil rather then being perpetually swept back by the currents and violently battered on the rocky coast? I want to see what's out there in the open water. I need to find Atlantis.


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