Free Burma

I'm not sure

I am compelled to write something, not because I have anything in particular to say, but because something is demanding I do it. I don't know who or what it is, could it be just me? I don't think anything is just me right now. I don't think anything was ever just me. I long to elevate myself above the influence of my physical and mental environments, but the task proves most daunting and paralyzes me with the overwhelming realization of my total submission. While I've often deluded myself with the fantasy of being in control, I know I never really was. I don't think I ever can assert total control, but it must be possible to at least have a say. Up until now, I've been a tiny, mangled raft thrashing about on a stormy sea, barely staying adrift. I know I can't change the weather, but could I not build a rudder, procure some oars, or maybe even mount a motor to navigate the turmoil rather then being perpetually swept back by the currents and violently battered on the rocky coast? I want to see what's out there in the open water. I need to find Atlantis.

Your Wildest Dreams

will the haunting ever stop?

El_Topo.avi

El Topo - one of my favorite movies ever. I can't believe I'm able to post this gem to my site.

Theres no place like home

I just woke up in the middle of the night after a drunken stupor. Actually, I'm still pretty wasted and a little bit spinny. I know its never wise to drink and blog...but I'm terribly bored and don't have any Photoshop on this computer so Something Awful submissions are out of the question. Don't drink and Photoshop is probably a better aphorism anyways.

So, I was just at my friend's house at his usual Friday the 13th:Friday the 13th party. You just sit around watching Friday the 13th movies on Friday the 13th and theres some complex drinking game that revolves around it. You pick a number and get to select a prize 40 to consume. I ended up with some ass malt called Evil Eye. It kind of tasted like rotten avacadoes, but it sure got me fucked up. Diligently (but not proudly) I actually finished the damn thing. All I really remember after that is speaking some Japanese and that's it. I'm pretty sure my brother and Ben took me home...they dropped me off at Ben's parents house where I'm at now, all alone (cept for his parents sleeping upstairs). It's so hard to type normal, its so hard to determine if I sound sober (which I hope I do). Ben is still out there somewhere, I bet he comes home wasted too. Christ, its 4:40am already. No matter. It's so fucking great to be back to my friends and family.

I FUCKING LOVE YOU OSHVEGAS!!!! It's good to be home (and drunk).

Antony And The Johnsons - Hope Theres Someone

This is what Vic feels like right about now.

if One Night in Bangkok

makes a hard man humble and the tough guys tumble...what does 20 nights do? The song, though a fictional chess parable, is actually pretty accurate. When you're here, the world IS your oyster, but the pearls sure as hell ain't free. They are paid for with sweat, stink, vomit, confusion, and frustration....but are well worth it.

Since I've been here this second time I've worshipped at the temples...I've indulged in the spicy cuisine...I've been constant food for the mosquitoes and plagued with half dollar sized bites...I've been stricken with a severe fever...and have drunkenly thrown up on several streets in the downtown while clubbers and transvestites looked on.

That being said -- my three weeks here has been exceptionally fun thus far...but in all honesty I feel a little bit anxious to head home. I probably just need to find an air-conditioned apartment and get some privacy. Communal life definitely does not suit me. Well...only another 11 months to go.

I haven't updated my blog this year...

but I figured I should now, because who knows when my next chance will be? I have my big move in a few days. I made sure that I spent some time on my computer tonight because I don't know when I'll have access again....so I wasted my time on the net reading myspace and writing this BS.